Trip back home..

Well, I will be making my first trip back to my moms (Its weird not saying parents) house since the funeral. After the funeral we went to the house, but I didnt go into the living room. Thats where all the pictures are, and the hospital bed for my dad. I couldnt handle seeing it without him in there. My mom slept in the hospital bed until they came pick it up a few days ago. Im a little anxious. It will look so weird to not see him there, to not see the bed there, to just see the living room back to the way it was a mere 2 1/2 months ago before his diagnosis. WOW.. it doesnt seem like it was that short of a time as it sounds. I guess for me, it was moving in slow motion. Never in a million years did I think that after being diagnosed with cancer that he would only live another 2 1/2 months. ::sigh::

So back on track.. im nervous. I know that probably sounds silly to alot of people, but thats how I feel. I miss him so much. I cant belive that I will only see him from now on in pictures and my memory. Thats hard to take in.

I wish my mom would come to my house for a little while. I miss her alot to and I know shes still hurting, and I just want to hug her all the time, but I cant. I know she wont come. I know she feels closer to him at home, where she is surrounded by his presence. Im a little envious of that, but now that im going back im nervous as well. So many emotions. I hope that this trip back will be good for me. Thanks for listening!

With Love.. Fay